[tmtranscripts] Re: [tml] 2-2-01 Daniel transcript(S.E. Idaho)

[ZooidODell at aol.com]

Teacher Daniel,
    You just have no idea how I treasure these sessions.  I feel "home again" 
each time I hear you hold forth.  This stuff on self-esteem is so fresh, so 
vital.  Thank you so much.  I have some work to do, it would seem, since I, 
like many, have adopted the attitude, "I don't make mistakes, I just learn 
big lessons." --  and they will continue to be BIG lessons, too, unless and 
until I can admit and accept that I really do make mistakes.  
M-i-s-t-a-k-e-s.  Wrong choices.  Immature decisions based on instincts run 
amok and/or simply not wanting to look the fool and sometimes, even, at other 
people's expense.
    As part of the winter doldrums this year, in Seasonal Affected Disorder, 
my dark night of the soul, I have discovered a whole cache of regrets.  How 
does this relate to the fact of making mistakes?  Are all these regrets a 
reflection of my error?  Whose?  And what difference does it make?  I've been 
working on forgiving myself as well as others, but it hasn't gone away or 
sufficiently healed so that I can see the silver lining more than the dark 
cloud.   
    As I expound here just a little I can see, too, that admitting to having 
made a mistake, I have to also face the fact that to the extent I made the 
mistake in collusion with others, or with their support -- they might be 
implicated, as if to say my admission of error would infer that they made a 
mistake, too -- and that is more guilt and shame than any right-minded mortal 
wants to deal with, considering how much we treasure our fellows' support and 
faith in us, and also considering how bullheaded we can be and how 
handy-dandy denial is in safeguarding us against acknowledgement of our own 
imperfection(s).  So if I make a mistake and admit it, it's like a house of 
cards, the whole thing could come tumbling down on my and our heads.  What 
would you contribute here, Daniel, if anything?  For isn't a lot of this 
about how our mistakes affect others?
    Thank you.
    Your loyal student, Gerdean.