Ham on waiting

[David G. Schlundt, Ph.D.]

06/01/97


Ham: Greetings, I am Ham and I am happy that you have all returned
again to participate in our discussion tonight.  The lesson tonight
is concerning waiting.  Your culture is entirely geared to give the
individual what he wants with no waiting time.  Waiting is something
to be eschewed and avoided. Waiting is associated with inabilities
and the higher one's status in society, the less one has to wait for
anything.  Being made to wait is associated with low status as in
waiting in the unemployment line.  

But, it is the wise man who knows how to wait. Rash action often
breeds disaster. But you are raising a generation that hasn't had to
wait for anything, hasn't had to cultivate patience. Patient waiting
is a difficult thing to accomplish, but it is a mark of maturity that
you can wait. 

Discipline involves the waiting period, always. The true understanding
that you all need to arrive at is the wisdom of postponing
gratification.  In your ancient times, it was only the children who
were in a hurry, only the children who couldn't wait for
gratification. Adults were waiting most of the time. Things were
slower. One didn't eat immediately upon being hungry, but waited like
a mature person for the family to gather. 

It is dangerous to build a society upon immaturity, on instant
gratification, instant desire fulfillment.  When something has to be
waited for, it is appreciated more, the value is enhanced for the
mind.  Things that are instantly acquired are valued little.  A
society of immature people with many kinds of gratification instantly
at their finger tips is a society crumbling internally.  When you make
up your minds that you want to become mature, you must impose
restrictions on your selves because society imposes little or none. 

So, since you need to learn to wait and have patience, it is hard to
find anything that you need to wait for.  You might begin by imposing
your own waiting periods for things. For example, when you are hungry
you might postpone eating by a half an hour or an hour.  You might
drive more slowly and more courteously, you might wait in the few
lines that you have to wait in with forbearance for those ahead of
you.  So, there are many things you can do to postpone gratification
and impose waiting periods. 

Being patient with one another is another difficult assignment. But,
those who have some self- discipline, some gratification postponement
in their lives find it easier to be patient.  Human beings are
imperfect, and sometimes they tend to get in the way of your
self-gratification.  I would like to have some discussion now about a
time when you were impatient recently. Rebecca.

Q: They are so petty I feel embarrassed to say. I got mad at this
grocery store checker for something that she couldn't have any control
over at all. It wasn't her fault at all, but I was all bent out of
shape and then I was impatient with some friends of ours because just
for being around and I had stuff to do and they were over and I
couldn't get it done and I had to postpone what I wanted to do. It
sounds so dumb.  I guess I can be as childish as anyone.

Ham: Yes, Rebecca, you tend to want to push matters through and get
people to do things that you want when you want.  Just be aware of it,
and learn from it.  Jarad.

Q: I do that all the time, and I don't know which, I do that everyday.
It seems like it happens most often at the Y.  I want everybody to be
efficient and to do their thing perfectly to make it easier and more
effortless on my part. I do it all the time.

Ham: Yes, Jarad, you tend to be curt with others when your desires
aren't instantly fulfilled. Be aware of this.  Brodan.

Q: It happens for me with things that I decide to buy. When I make the
decision, then I want to get it right away.  Recently I ordered a new
computer.  I wanted it right away so that I could solve some problems
I was having, but if I would have been willing to wait a few weeks, I
could have gotten a better computer. I was then in such a hurry to get
everything working that I made a mess and actually made things worse. 
I got my work done on time, but did it using the old computer.  I
think if I could have waited and had more patience, I would have felt
better and been happier.

Ham: Brodan, you have a tendency to get frustrated with imperfections
and what you feel should be a perfect and error free world.   You are
fairly insulated in your social  interactions and so usually
frustrations with others are kept low. Be aware of this.

Q: I tend to be frustrated with people who will no make right turns at
stop lights and I usually wait too late to start and then I am in a
hurry. I also tend to get frustrated with people who seem to be taking
too long. I am overly patient with business and tend to wait longer
than most people would for business.

Ham: Yes, Vontis, you have your times of impatience. Some times in
business, you know that you're being "too patient", but its easier to
let things lay than take the initiative to change them even though you
know that it is inevitable. So, you have both poles of the waiting
spectrum to deal with.  Be aware of it.

Q: I have thought of several things I am inpatient about. One thing is
injustices I see. Another area is people, inside I am anxious to leave
and get on to something else I have to do, I don't necessarily want to
rush them off but inside I am impatient. I agree with Bud, I leave a
little too late and find myself rushing in traffic and find I am
impatient with the other drivers some times.

Ham: Yes, Edward, you are typical of many people who mask their
impatience, but are still feeling anxious inwardly. You have to find a
way to minimize that anxiety and this will help you in the cultivation
of patience.  Just be aware of it.

So, we see that you are all human and prone to childish anxiety over
not getting what you want when you want it.  The next time you are
seized with that anxiety, just take a moment to picture yourself as a
crying baby and release the anxiety with a little levity.

Q: Is it true, what you think about comes about?

Ham: Yes, to some extent. There is a blurry, fuzzy line between the
inner and outer worlds. We think of the inner world, being the area of
divine contact, as the source of creativity. So this creativity is
first visualized and experienced inwardly before it is manifest as an
outer reality.  

Q: So growth and change happens as we ... our actions allow the
adjuster to change us, to make changes, after our actions have
indicated that is what we really want?

Ham: Yes. 

Q: I originally asked the question with regard to the patience
required to manifest things in our lives, and I wondered if you meant
that as well, if you included that in patience.

Ham: Yes.

Q: Let me see if I understand this lesson today, if we learn and
practice patience in the small things we will increasingly have
patience for the larger things?

Ham: Yes exactly.

Q: When we are in the middle of an episode of impatience, is there a
method or a technique that we can transform that into patience
immediately.

Ham: Well, like I said, you have to have some sense of humor about
yourself and your predicament.  Really, that's the best way to diffuse
your anxiety and your anger.

Q: I really the image of the crying baby.

Q: His majesty the baby is what they call it in AA.

Q: Ham, I would appreciate all the advice and help you could possibly
give me.

Ham: Jarad, you have come to a stumbling block and are confused and
disheartened. A positive step you could take is with Edward's
techniques to try to understand the buried anxieties that cause your
unhealthy behavior.  Don't be disappointed, you always have done
everything required of you.  This blockage also interferes with your
creative work. So, just move forward a step at a time.

Q: I know this sound dumb, I can't figure out how to turn it over to
God.

Ham: You are making progress, don't worry.

Q: Do you have anything for Rebecca?

Ham: Rebecca, you are working diligently. Continue to do so.  Return
to library research this week.  

Q: Do you have anything for Esmirelda?

Ham: Yes, child, the upheavals will continue for a while, don't be
concerned.  Changes are difficult and exhausting.  Have faith, other
changes are coming soon which will lighten your burden.

Q: And Elena?

Ham: Get some legal counsel. You are in need of awareness that you are
not in possession of.   

Q: Would you give me some feedback this week.

Ham: Brodan, you are doing very well. Your understanding is widening
and you are becoming more well rounded and mature personally.  There
are many opportunities which will offer you areas of change coming. 
So, in acceptance of your task, you should consult with Imanni and
another celestial being soon to begin understanding this beforehand.

Q: I almost forget about Kellin, he wanted a message this evening.

Ham: Kellin, have faith all is well and is as it should be.  Welcome
the changes that have come and welcome those that are coming. Be


happy, find love in the moment, and banish anxiety.

Q: Ham I would appreciate any advice you have for me.

Ham: Certainly Vontis, stay in touch with old friends, Don't be shy
about making contacts. You still need to do this on a regular basis.

Q: I feel the need for some advice as well.

Ham: Edward, your life has been drifting for several years. You had
difficulty staying in one place and difficulty moving ahead. This has
been part of your training and you needed this time.  The future,
though, will bring changes that you must also prepare for.  There
isn't time anymore for not facing what inwardly you feel needs to be
done. So, have courage son, and faith that all is proceeding according
to the Father's plan and you must recognize your role in this plan
and, for now, that is all you can do.

Are there any further questions, very well, until next week again my
love and prayers go with you and the angels' divine protection as
well. 
**************************************************
David Schlundt, Ph.D.           Voice: 615-322-7800
Associated Professor of Psychology
301 Wilson Hall                   Fax: 615-343-8449
Vanderbilt University
Nahsville, TN  37240         
********* schlundg at ctrvax.vanderbilt.edu **********
Modern science, particularly psychology, has weakened only those religions which are so
largely dependent upon fear, superstition, and emotion.
Paper-99 Section-4 Para-8        Page-1090 Line-21 Para-4
The Urantia Book